Dear Ran
by GeekyGenius
Summary: A series of short letters Conan begins writing to Ran to try and release some of his thoughts. But whether or not he will give his letters to Ran is another story... UPDATED WEEKLY
1. The first letter

**AN: **I have never done a chapter fic before, so I have no idea how often I will post chapters, especially since it is the end of term 1 soon and I have a billion and one assignments due and tests to study for. I have quite a few ideas for letters already so it is just a matter of finding time to write them. If you come up with any ideas feel free to tell me as well . Also, Shinichi isn't giving these letters to Ran. He just uses them as a way to tell her everything and get his feelings out. Because of that he may seem too touchy-feely or something.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Detective Conan. If I did, there would be more Kaitou Kid episodes.

Set post London arc.

_Dear Ran,_

_I am not really sure what to say. I have so much to tell you, I don't know where to start. I meant what I said in London. I never planned for you to find out like that though. Remember that time we went to the fancy restaurant and then the murder happened? I was going to tell you there, and a million other places, but I was an absolute ba'rou and couldn't bring myself to say it. I'm sorry Ran. I am truly sorry for everything I have put you through. I hate to see you cry, especially over me. I don't deserve a friend like you. Are we still friends now, Ran? Or are we something else? I wish I could tell you everything that is going on, and what my big case is. But I can't, Ran. AS much as I want to, I can't. I did something stupid and can't back out. I will not let you get involved, Ran. I can't let you get hurt because of me. _

_Hattori was right, you know. When he said I was watching you when you first met him. I always watch over you, to make sure you're safe. I know you can take care of yourself, but I know that these guys are bigger then something even you or I could handle alone. Don't worry about me though, Ran. I am not alone in this, not anymore. I know you would want to help in some way, that's just how you are. But you are already helping me, Ran. Every time I see that you are safe, whenever you laugh or smile, I remember why I have to fight. So wait for me, would you? _

_From your Shinichi._

Conan sighed as he put his pen down. He stared down at what he had written in the spare book, before he hid it in his pillow case. He glanced at the nearby clock, exhausted. It took a moment longer than it should have for him to process the time. 2:43am, the clock read, and Conan sighed. He surveyed his dark surroundings for a moment, before looking out the window to the light of the moon. After a good 5 minutes, Conan picked up his pillow and quietly trudged back to the room he shared with Mouri Kogoro. He opened the door slowly so as not to make it squeak, but he needn't have bothered since Mouri was snoring loudly. Conan sighed once again as he put his pillow on his futon before trying to get some sleep.

**AN:** I am not really sure about this fic. The chapters will probably be pretty short, at least in the begining. After a few chapters I plan to put in more of a storyline to go along with the letters ^_^

And the question to answer in the reviews... What is your favourite pairing for Shinichi/Conan? I prefer RanxShinichi but don't mind a bit of Kaishin


	2. Week 2

**AN: **This is set about a week after Conan wrote the first letter. A big thanks to tanteibouzu who reviewed the last chapter!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Detective Conan. If I did, Hakuba would show up more often.

Conan grabbed his pillow as he snuck out of his room. He settled himself on the desk in the office before reaching for a pen that was lying on the desk. He stole a quick glance at the time, _2:13am, _than began writing another letter.

_Dear Ran,_

_How have you been? Writing that other letter to you really helped. It is good being able to tell you in a letter, even if you won't receive them. I heard you have a karate tournament in a few weeks. Good luck, Ran. I know you will smash them. Have you had a busy week? I ran into 4 murders this week and a kidnapping case. Surprise! I found out yesterday that okaa-san called me 'Shin-chan' because I am like a shinigami. It's not my fault bodies seem to drop all around me! Anyway, nothing has come up on the big case I am working on for a while now. I wish it could all be over and done with already. I… I miss you, Ran. I miss being able to go to school and chat and play soccer, solve mysteries without having to worry about hiding or being spotted. I hate myself for making you cry, but I can't let you go through this with me. It is better than what I am going through. At least this way you can keep living normally. I feel so terrible, having to treat you like this. I can't even tell you the reason why to your face. You deserve so much better. _

_I want to tell you why. And even more than that, I want to be able to talk with you and joke around like we used to. But it is hard to do that in a letter. I can ask you as many questions as I want, ask 'how you are going?' or 'how's life?', but I wouldn't be able to get your answer. I wouldn't get to see your reactions to that pun Agasa-hakase made, or how you would react to my jokes. I can only imagine your comebacks. Do you miss that as well? I know you miss me that baka mystery otaku, why else would you cry? But is it just me you miss, or do you miss the time we spent together, and what we did together as well? It is pointless me asking these questions, for I know you can't answer. But one day you will. I swear, Ran, I will never give up fighting, until everything is back to normal. Because I will not fail. I can't fail. I won't say how long it will take, because I don't know. But I will succeed. So believe in me, will you Ran? _

_Yours Sincerely;_

_Your baka mystery otaku._

Conan, no, he was Shinichi at the moment, double-checked everything he wrote on his letter. He stared at a single spot on the paper where there was a small drop of water. Shinichi reached his hand up to wipe his eyes, not entirely sure why he was crying. In the end he put it down to letting out all of his bottled-up emotions at once. He silently thanked the stars that no-one was around to see him. He gently placed his treasured book back in his pillowcase before curling up on the couch for a silent cry. It was very out of character for him, but he figured it was better now than later when he had even more pent-up emotions and someone might be watching.

He spent a good 15 minutes curled up in a ball on the couch. He finally got up and stretched, before slowly moving himself over to the desk. He picked up his pillow and headed straight to his futon. He awoke earlier than normal that morning, taking a quick trip to the bathroom to remove any traces of his break down earlier that morning. He could have just said he was missing his parents, but he wasn't actually a 7 year old child, despite appearances. And he still had whatever dignity he had left to maintain. He soon heard Ran moving about in the kitchen, making breakfast, and like flicking a light switch, Shinichi disappeared once again to be replaced by Conan.

**AN: **Okay, second chapter done! There probably won't be another one at least until next weekend, but it could be longer as I have lots of assignments to finish and tests to study for next week. It will not be a month before the next update though. Please review! I will continue even without reviews, but it is harder to wright when I don't know if the last chapter was okay or not.

Question for the review: If you had a choice to go to the Conan universe or have Conan come to our universe, which would you pick? I would choose going to Conan's universe ^.^


	3. Week 3

**AN: **Set a week after the last letter also . I got no reviews last chapter! Although I will continue this story whether or not I get reviews, it is easier to write when I know I am not the only one who enjoyed the chapter.

DISCLAIMER: If I owned Detective Conan, there would be an episode where he visited Australia already.

It was around 2am on Saturday morning. Everything was silent, except from Mouri-ojisan's snoring. Conan woke up promptly, like an alarm bell had rung inside his head. He lazily glanced at his watch, not really reading the time. It was very early in the morning, and no one would be awake. That was all he needed to know. He stretched as he climbed out of the mess of his sheet he had gotten tangled up in, and grabbed his pillow before tip-toeing downstairs to the Mouri Detective Agency office. He silent opened the door, which despite all his efforts let out a deafening _SQUEEK, _and he gave a slight cringe at the sound as he softly padded over to the desk, shutting the door lightly behind him. He was too tired to put his mask fully on, and it wasn't like anyone was awake to watch him anyhow. He moved around in the chair in front of the desk, before finally finding a comfy position to settle down in. He automatically pulled out his book and grabbed a random pen, barely noticing the orange colour as he began to let out all his frustrations of the week into a simple letter.

_Dear Ran,_

_How has your week been? I saw you and Sonoko shopping for clothes from a café window. I was so glad to see you still being able to smile and be happy. At least my stupid idea of staying away to keep you safe and happy has worked. Even though you can keep yourself safe, I doubt you would be able to stay as happy and carefree as you are now if you knew the truth. I have a hard enough time keeping my own spirits up. I shouldn't keep watching you, as it breaks me inside, not being able to go up to you and just stay 'hi'. It would be better for me to go to America with my parents, but I can't bear to leave you. Which is sort of stupid when I think about it, I can't talk to you when I am near you anyway, and being near you but not being able to reach you is probably doing myself more harm than good. I wonder if you have ever seen me, on those rare moments when I watch you. _

_For what it's worth, I am truly sorry Ran. If I hadn't been a massive ba'rou we wouldn't even have to be going through this. Just because I couldn't leave one mystery alone for a night and stay with you. That saying is true, you know. 'You don't know what you've got until it's gone.' I certainly didn't appreciate half the stuff I could do before this case. It's the really simple things no-one thinks about, like chatting with you about how annoying Yamada-sensei is when he gives us a tone of science homework. Like being able to solve a case without worrying about being discovered, and having to stay continuously in hiding. It's frustrating. I' m not in control of anything, not even the investigation. It seems like every lead I get is destroyed. For once, Ran, I feel like even I can't do this completely alone. But don't worry, Ran. I am not alone, not anymore, and for the first time in this long battle, I feel like I have a decent chance. _

_Until next week,_

_Your Shinichi_

Conan smiled as he placed the pen gently down on the table, feeling better than he had before. His hopes were once again raised, and nothing was impossible. He gave slight smile at his letter, as if trying to enclose it into the letter for the recipient to receive. He then quickly closed his book and shoved it quickly but carefully back into his pillow case. Conan sat for a while longer in his chair, before the invisible light bulb lit up over his head. He rushed to get his book back out of his pillow case, opened up to the page with his letter on it, and grabbed the pen he wrote the letter with.

_P.S._

_I never think I said it clearly, so if you didn't completely get what I meant in London, or didn't really believe it fully, I will say it here. It is easier to write than say anyway…_

_I like you, Ran. More than just a best friend. I can't know exactly what you are feeling, but I will try my hardest to make you happy, even if that means I have to stay away for a while. I promise I will tell you everything once it is all over, and the threat looming over me is gone. Stay safe, from your Shinichi._

Conan hurriedly put the book in his pillow case before running out of the room, lingering at the door to the apartment a moment longer than he had planned to. A blush was trying to creep onto his face, and although no-one was around he tried his best to hide it. As he ran into his room, he flopped onto his futon as silent as possible, so as not to wake Kogoro-ojisan, and lied awake, staring at the ceiling, with a slightly goofy smile on his face. "I did it, Ran." His voice was barely audible, it was hard to tell whether he mimed the words or if he had actually spoken. "I was finally able to tell you how I felt, in a less cryptic way. I am sure you got it last time but, it felt good to say it properly. Even if you won't actually receive those words." Conan was so in thought he wasn't even aware of when he had gone back to sleep. One thing he was aware of, however, was that he had had the best sleep in long time.

AN: There you go, chapter 3! Sorry if Shinichi seems to OOC… Please review, it will only take a moment or two of your time I might get time to write another chapter this weekend, but I have lots of tests and assignments due on Monday

The review question is… If you had a choice, would you rather get 2 new Conan movies this year or have Aoyama-sensei finish the Magic Kaitou Series?


	4. Week 4

**AN: **Thanks for the review for last chapter khr1410 and Anonymous! Now, on to chapter 4!

Set one week after last letter.

Conan woke up from his sleep. He felt (and looked like) a zombie, having had very little sleep the past few days due to a massive case about a serial killer. He rubbed his nose from where his glasses had pushed against his nose. He wondered for what seemed like the millionth time why he slept with his glasses on every night. Mouri never paid that much attention to him and he was always up before Ran so she wouldn't see. As he rubbed his sore nose he placed the 'why' down to paranoia. Maybe he was hanging around Haibara too much. He lifted his eyes to the door as he straightened his glasses subconsciously. He continued staring at the door for a minute before realising that his legs weren't moving. He dragged himself out of the room with his pillow trailing along the floor behind him. With his eyes still half shut, he walked towards the agency like a robot set on 'automatic'. When he finally settled himself at Mouri's desk, he grabbed a nearby pen and put it on the tip of his thumb. He clicked the end so that the pen came out, and felt the sharp end awaken him. He drew a (^.^) on his hand to make sure he was fully awake before bring out his precious note book. He flipped to the next page, and began writing.

_Dear Ran,_

_You had your karate competition sometime last week, didn't you? How did you go? I bet you sent them all crying. How has your week been? It has been a very long week for me with little sleep. Even as I write this I feel like a zombie. I wish everyone could have at least one crime-free week. Maybe if I went to Australia things would be different. You would join me on my adventure, right Ran? It gets so tiring, not having any breaks form solving each crime. Everywhere I go something happens. It seems as though people are begging for their crimes to be seen and to be solved, doing it in front of me all the time. I can't help it. I should get you to teach me karate, Ran. Soccer skills are great and all, but karate looks cooler. I haven't seen you with Sonoko this week. __It's a shame; she always gets you to try on cute clothes. __I mean, you are always happier around her, and you smile more. I __love__ really like your smile. The world seems to brighten whenever you smile. _

_I feel so stupid, writing to you like this, knowing that you may never get these letters. I should have a little courage and tell you. I can be such a baka sometimes. I always make excuses, like 'I can't risk anyone seeing me' and 'If I do tell you you'll karate chop me through the wall, I value my life!', and although the lasts reason is pretty solid, you deserve better than what I am doing to you now, even if it is the only way. So I will continue being this stupid baka, going against the truth I so strongly believe in to protect the person I __love__treasure __value__need, argh I need to just write it!__ As I was saying, the person I need and love the most. At least, until I can think of a better way. So forgive, would you Ran? And stay safe. I don't think I could go on in life if something happened to you. I will watch out for the dangers you can't see, and I will always watch your back. So wait for me, would you Ran? _

_Love your Shinichi_

Conan contemplated the letter in front of him. He had said more than he would of if he was actually talking to Ran, but then, it wasn't like Ran was going to see these letters, so he could be as straightforward and frank as he liked. He didn't have to hide how he felt about Ran to something she would never see. Softly closing the book, Conan placed it back in his pillowcase. As he was doing so, he caught sight of the (^.^) he had drawn on his hand. He spat on his hand and rubbed at the pen mark, watching it start to come off before wiping his hand on the underside of the hem of his pyjama top. Feeling satisfied that all evidence of his 'journal writing' was erased, he, along with his pillow, headed back to his room, where he immediately collapsed onto his futon. He looked just like a zombie going back into his coffin, as soon as he fell onto his futon, he was unconscious. Yet again, his scribbling had helped to have a worry-free sleep, even if it was only for a night.

Early the next morning, Ran peaked into the room that her dad shared with Conan. After having successfully opening the door without a noise, Ran was rewarded with the rare sight of her dad not snoring while sleeping, a true miracle, and Conan sleeping with a small, but genuine smile on his face. Feeling a smile begin to creep onto her own face, she quickly closed the door before beginning to make Conan's favourite breakfast. It wasn't too often she saw him in a mood like that, and she was determined to do everything within her capabilities to keep him that way.

**AN: **So, this chapter had the crossing out because Shinichi couldn't decide whether or not he should actually write down his first thought. I managed to get this chapter done because I have done all my assessment and tests! (For this week anyway) If you have any ideas or anything you would like to see in a letter Conan writes feel free to write it in a review or PM me. I will try to include all of your suggestions somewhere

The question for the review this time is: How much of Conan do you think is now a part of Shinichi? I think being Conan affected Shinichi a lot and that 'Conan' makes up about 25-30% of Shinichi. What about you?


	5. Chapter 5 - The Truth

AN: Thank you for the reviews CressidaRene! I have the next few letters planned out already so I might be posting a few more chapters this week

Set a week after the last letter

As the clock struck 2am, Conan's eyes sprung open. He had developed a ritual of writing his letters once a week at this time over the past month. Like a cat, he moved around in the dark like he had night vision. ((Actually, his glasses might have gotten a night vision feature on them last time Agasa-hakase fixed them.)) As he grabbed his pillow, he showed his cat-like skills as he snuck around the apartment and opened the creaky doors without a sound. He bounded downstairs in an excited rush. This had become his favourite time of the week. If it wasn't for Kid's heists, and now his little escapes from reality in his letters, he could have sworn he wouldn't have lasted as long as he had. Keeping up his mask was tiring.

He threw open the door to the Mouri Detective Office before commando rolling over to the desk. Where his sudden energy and enthusiasm had come from, he had no idea. A goofy smile appeared on his face from having completed the commando roll expertly, and not failing halfway like he so often saw Genta-kun or Mitsuhiko-kun do whenever they tried to do a commando roll. He plopped himself down in the chair and proceeded to bring out his book containing his letters. He pulled out a pen with invisible ink that was hidden in the draw. It was one of Agasa-hakase's rare working inventions. It stayed visible for 30 seconds so that you wouldn't accidently squish words together. It could only be seen by wearing Conan's glasses which had a special feature installed. Conan quickly flipped to a new page and began to write.

_Dear Ran,_

_How have you been? I hope you haven't drowned in tests and assignments. I can't believe I had to miss watching the big Tokyo Spirits VS Big Osaka game in the stadium! I had to watch it discreetly in a café. Having to stay undercover all the time sucks. Spy movies make it way too overrated. Heh, now that I think about it, I actually have some awesome gadgets like spies do. When I return, Ran, let's get coffee. I am sure you have as much to tell me as I do you. I know I owe you an explanation, but I want to tell you as myself, and I want to be able to explain everything and answer your questions. I want to be there, as me, but right now, I can't. It just isn't physically possible. I know I am talking in circles, and am making absolutely zero sense, but you will get it soon enough. I…. am not myself at the moment. I am still your Shinichi, I always will be. But to the world, I don't seem to be. My mind, my memories, everything is still me, except for… well, I can't tell you yet, but you can guess. They did this to me, and They think I am dead. If They thought you knew anything about Them or my 'murder', they'd kill you. Even after They have gone, I don't know if I will ever be able to return to you as the Shinichi you knew. _

_Tropical Land. That was the 'crime scene', where Kudo Shinichi died. I wouldn't have lied to you saying I was on a case, or hidden, if I knew what was going on. I thought it was a nightmare at first, and then I went into a panicked shock. I thought it would only last a few weeks, maybe a month at most. I didn't think it'd take longer than a year. Now I know how real the possibility that I may never go back the same person I left as. It scares me, Ran. I'm terrified of being stuck forever, never being able to fully return to Kudo Shinichi, to you. I will always be your Shinichi, but I like being called by my name. My own name. Though, not when you cry. I wish that I could do something to stop your tears, to lessen your pain. I hate it when you call out my name, afraid that I am going to leave again. _

_I never left you, Ran. I am still here, always, although you can't see me. I didn't leave willingly, you know. It wasn't even because another case came up. All those times I left, I ran out of time. I always left suddenly, and I'm sorry, but I always cut it short. I wanted to spend as long as I could with you until I had to go back. I am truly sorry for running off, but I can't let you see what They did to me. Not because I don't trust you, but I'd never be able to trust myself. I would insist that you call me by my name, and I wouldn't be able to keep up my act to fool the others around. This stupid, flimsy mask I put on, it's as tough as concrete, but as soon as I let you see, if I take it down, it will take a long time to go back up. _

_I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, Ran. I can't even forgive myself for what I have done to you. For how stupid I was to get into this situation in the first place. You don't need to worry about beating me up, Ran, as I do a pretty good job of it myself. But, if you do find it in your heart, please forgive me. I love you, Ran, and I always will._

_Love your Shinichi_

Conan sighed as he looked over his letter with his glasses. That had turned out to be more emotional than he had planned for this week's letter to be. He placed his glasses in the page as a marker, and slipped the book back into his pillow case. He had his spare glasses by his bed anyway; it wouldn't matter if he hid his glasses in the book. Conan let out a yawn as all the energy from before had drained out of him into the letter. He slowly got out of the chair and stretched. Very slowly, Conan walked out of the agency and up the steps to the apartment, carrying his pillow on his back, looking like a snail. His speed matched his snail-like look, as he all but crawled up the stairs. He sped up as soon as he stepped foot into the apartment. He sprinted, as fast as one could sprint when they were dead on their feet, to the room he shared with Mouri Kogoro. He rolled onto the futon, asleep before his head even landed onto his pillow.

**AN: **Next chapter will be a little bit different to this one. Please leave a review ((Question for the review will end from this chapter forward as no-one is doing them ))


	6. Washing

**AN: **Thank you for the review AnimeNekoNya! I am really excited for this chapter The style will be different to the previous chapters as it won't have a letter written by Conan in it. Also, Conan has been writing his letters on Friday night/Saturday morning, whichever you prefer.

This is set the same day as the last letter.

It was 10am in the morning, and Ran was feeling quite content. Conan had just left on a camping trip with Agasa-hakase and the Shounen Tantei-dan, and her father was on a case. She had the house to herself for a good few hours, and was deciding to wash the sheets. Conan always put his sheets and pillowcase in a neat little bundle by the door for Ran to collect, and changed his sheets on his own. Ran was therefore surprised when she saw that the little bundle of washing was missing from the door. She sighed to herself. Conan was in a panic this morning trying to get ready; he had overslept. Ran smiled as she shook her head gently, remembering how funny Conan had looked rushing about trying to find everything he needed.

She walked over to his futon, and grabbed the pillow. She felt an outline of something in the cover. She absent-mindedly pulled it out, expecting it to be a diary of some sort. She sat down on the floor to get a closer look at the book in her hands. She noticed that there was something in between the pages, so she opened up the book, to reveal a pair of Conan's glasses. Ran gasped when she realised that the page she thought was blank seemed to have some writing on it. She moved Conan's glasses to get a better look, but the writing disappeared. Her hands automatically grabbed Conan's glasses and put them on her face. She gasped as she saw words appear on the previously blank page. She saw it was a letter of some sort, and only hen noticed that there seemed to be letters on the pages before.

Ran flipped to the front of the book, and read the first letter. Why, she wasn't sure. She never looked through anyone's stuff like this, but the book seemed to draw her to it. As she read the letter, her hand came to her mouth and she silently cried at the contents of the letter. She quickly flipped to the next letter, realising that everything in these letters must be the truth. What reason would Shinichi have to lie to himself? As she began reading each letter, everything that Shinichi had gone through made itself known to her. She was so blind! She had never even realised! All that time, she never realised that Shinichi was hurting from his absence as much as she was. She could practically see his smile, and envision any other little remarks he may have made to himself while writing the letters. As she reached the fourth letter, she noted that the date was written in the top left corner of the page, invisible unless you were looking for it. She ignored the date and read on, her eyes widening in surprise when Shinichi said that he loved her. Not in that round-about way the baka had in London, but he said it straight. She turned her head, so that her tears wouldn't touch the pages. As she carefully turned the page, she realised she was at the first letter she had seen.

The date read today. It must have been written early this morning, she thought, before reading the letter. As his words sunk in, everything became clear. Ran was hit with a wave of emotion, filled with her own anger and with all the feelings Shinichi had conveyed to her in his letters. She found that she couldn't speck or move, so she just sat on the floor holding the book filled with letters to her chest. She didn't have to think of what to do next. She knew. She wasn't going to tell Conan that she knew, he had said it himself. He didn't think he would be able to keep up his act around others, which seemed to be important. Shinichi was supposed to be dead. She had no idea who 'They' were, but she knew now that Shinichi was scared of them, so They must be pretty scary. She stayed on the floor for a few minutes more, letting out all her emotions and trying to make sense of all the facts that were placed at her feet.

Once she had calmed down slightly and cleared her head, she pondered what changes she should secretly implement based on the new information she had obtained. The first thought that came to her head was letting have more of his 'sick days' off school. He probably hates having to be back in elementary school. Ran giggled despite the situation. Giving him freer rein at the crime scenes came to her as her second thought. She wondered for a moment if it was a bad thing that that was one of her first thoughts. She shook it off; after all, everyone knew Shinichi was a body magnet. Her next few thoughts all had to do with ways to embarrass Shinichi, such as picking him up more, taking him shopping for cute little kid clothes (and forcing him to try them on), and talking about Shinichi more around him. Ran giggled again, she was going to have fun with this situation.

She should have been mad, and she had every right to be. But she was kind and loved the baka mystery otaku, and completely understood his reasons, as much as had been unintentionally explained to her anyway. Even though 'Conan' couldn't tell Ran anything, Ran found out on her own, without him knowing. It was the best possible situation, and had happened by accident. It seemed that fate was paying him back for all the stuff they threw at him. Ran knew, and Shinichi didn't know. Ran felt excited by the prospect, Conan could keep up his act like normal; he wouldn't have to worry about letting his guard down too much. Maybe one day Ran would clue him in, let him know she found out. The look on his face would be priceless.

Ran headed into the agency office and sat down at the desk, reaching for a pen. She turned to the last page in the book, paused for just a moment, before penning her thoughts onto the blank page.

_My Dear Shinichi,_

_I have been well, thanks for asking. I found this book after you wrote your fifth letter, but don't be worried. I understand, you baka detective. I have decided not to tell you yet, as you mentioned it would be harder for you to keep up your act. I don't mind, at least I know the truth now. It is funny to think that fete, which has toyed so much with us both, is now handing us this golden opportunity. I can barely believe you were by my side the whole time. Why didn't you leave, Shinichi? Your parents could have hired someone to watch over me secretly or something! Even though it hurt you…. You stayed. Thank you, Shinichi. I had never even realised, that you hurt just as much as I did. But I know now, and everything will be alright. I promise that I will keep your secret safe, from everyone, and at the moment, that includes you. When you find this letter, which I suspect won't be for a while; hopefully this horrible ordeal will be over. _

_Anyway, how have you been? I know I have seen you, but I can't see what you hide behind your mask. I wish you would take your mask down, just for once. Without your glasses, I am sure your true face would be impossible to deny. I guess that's why you wear the glasses, right? I know that you have already figured it out, but I love you Shinichi. I will wait for you, always. I don't care which form you are in, you will ALWAYS, always, be my Shinichi._

_Be safe,_

_Your Ran_

Ran smiled at the paper before her. All of a sudden, she jumped up and looked at the time. Realising that her father should be back soon, she replaced Conan's glasses as a bookmark for the 5th letter. She raced to the apartment, and shoved the book into Conan's fresh pillowcase that she had let by the futon. In a state of panic, she rushed around the apartment, attempting to finish the chores she had planned to finish an hour ago. By the time the door to the apartment opened, the rooms were spotless, a truly amazing feat, and she was completely exhausted. She quickly mumbled something similar to 'takeout' to her father before going into her room and collapsing on the bed. Today had been a big day, but she had enjoyed it. She could start teasing Shinichi tomorrow, after all.

**AN:** DONE! Yay! I really enjoyed writing this chapter, it was a real challenge. I really need to know what you guys think! I am planning to write more chapters, if anyone wants them. I think it would end OK here though, so it is up to you guys, the readers!

The question to answer in the reviews is: Should this story end here or continue? You can just say 'end' or 'continue' in a review, it doesn't have to be anything special (a big thanks to AnimeNekoNya who answered the previous questions ^.^)


	7. A New Letter Brings New Revelations

**AN: **Thank you so much for all the reviews **Lunamii, Kaede Hoshizora, AnimeNekoNya, tanteibouzu, and Crystal Nephesia Hawklaw**! It took me a while to finally think of what to write, but here is the next chapter! Also, last time I checked, there were **1001 views**! **Thank you for showing your support, everyone!** Sorry also for this chapter being a bit later, I was away over the weekend and didn't get any time to write on the weekend.

Set 1 week after the last chapter

Conan had sensed something was different the whole week, but he couldn't quite place what. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't work out what was different. Haibara was her usual cold self, and Genta-tachi were all as enthusiastic as ever. Mouri-ojisan would never change, and he knew Ran wouldn't. He was frustrated. Why couldn't he work it out? Maybe he was looking in the wrong place. Conan vowed to himself that he would act extra-childishly until he worked out what was wrong, much to Ran's silent amusement. Haibara's paranoia seemed to have been rubbing off on him.

He ate the dinner Ran made and quickly left to go to his room. Mouri was in Shinjuku for a case and wouldn't be back for at least another day or two. Conan relished the time he got on his own in the small room where he could rest his mask for a while. He shut the door quickly but quietly and sighed as he slid down the door, ending up sitting with his back against it. His glasses were discarded and chucked onto his pillow. Another sigh escaped his lips. How he just wished for things to g back to normal! After a good five minutes, Conan finally dragged himself off the floor and onto his futon. He stared at the ceiling for what seemed like forever, before he drifted off to sleep.

Conan didn't know when he finally went to sleep, but he remembered when he woke up. Like a siren had blasted in his ear, he jolted awake on the dot of 2:30am. He yawned and stretched a bit before rolling out of bed onto the floor. His drowsiness disappeared in an instant. He kept on muttering 'ow' to himself as he grabbed his pillowcase and proceeded to walk down to the office. He plopped down into the chair in front of the desk unceremoniously, and grabbed his book from its hiding spot in the pillowcase. He rummaged through the nearby desk draw for a pen. After the 5th pen he found had no ink, he decided to just get one from his kiddy pencil case. With an annoyed huff, he got out of his comfy position on the chair to search for a pen.

Half an hour later, Conan returned with the invisible pen, the only pen that still had ink left. He trudged over to the desk and sat down. It took all his self-control not to rip every page out of his book. He took a few deep breaths, in, and out; in, and out; to calm himself. He grabbed the pen which he had spent so long trying to find, and began to pen his thoughts in another letter.

_Dear Ran,_

_How have you been? To be honest I haven't been that great this week. It feels like something is different to last week but I can't place what. Anyway, this week I watched you shopping. You seemed happier than usual. I am so glad that you can still smile. Even though you don't notice my presence, it seems like you are smiling just for me, and it made me smile too. I was thinking of buying you a present, but I wasn't sure what to get you. And, if I gave you a present, you would no doubt want to see me. Damn this whole situation! If only you knew, Ran. Everything would be better and worse all at once. Sometimes I play different situations in my mind; different ways in which you could find out, and all the different ways you could react. Every way I look at it, I can't think of a solution. There is no fool proof plan. Every option still leaves a chance that I could lose you. I just can't take that risk! Not yet, not when _they _are still out there. I want to make sure you are safe completely before you decide whether or not you'll forgive me. And… I don't think I would be able to finish this if I knew you wouldn't be there for me at the end. There wouldn't be a point! I would be better off staying as Conan, because if you left there would be nothing else left for Shinichi to return for anyway. _

_There. I finally said it, Ran. The truth, the whole truth; something that before this whole façade started was so important to me. I still believe the truth is important. But this time, knowing the truth could cost someone their life. I had no choice; if I did I would have chosen another option. To live so long going against my morals, against something I have tried so hard to keep… it's hard. _

_I hadn't meant to say everything straight out like I have. I guess I needed it let it out. I only wish that I could have actually told you. This week has been hard, watching you seem so happy and free but not being able to talk with you and be beside in my true form. Even if you knew, would you treat me the same? Would you treat me as Shinichi? Or Conan? It sucks being treated as a little kid! Even if you knew, I know that you would have to treat me the same, for sake of appearances. It's just so unfair. But don't worry please, Ran. I can deal with it, I always have. I have been on my own since I was 14, remember? I'm used to doing things on my own._

_I hope you have a great week, Ran. _

_Love your Shinichi._

Conan set the pen down between the pages of the notebook. Even in his letter he was writing half-truths, saying how he was fine, how he would be fine, on his own. Even when she wouldn't actually see it, he was trying to reassure her. A hand subconsciously formed into a tight fist, as Conan looked at the floor. His eyes watered slightly as he scrunched his fists harder. His nails dug into his hand, but he could barely feel the pain. Only one word escaped his lips, both quiet and so filled with loud and obvious rage_. 'Kuso'_. His vision was blurred, and he wasn't aware of his surroundings, nor the fact that he had actually spoken. Why did he have to continue to lie, even when supposedly telling the truth? He was supposed to be writing everything he thought. He knew he shouldn't have started them as letters. Subconsciously he would form truths into half-truths in attempt to protect Ran from the truth that he had been told, and he now strongly believed, could and would get her killed.

Tears that had threatened to fall stayed and just clouded his vision. His clouded vision reflected his state of mind, so clouded that he was bound to make only irrational judgements. No-one had seen what it was really doing to him inside. No-one knew what this mess had caused to happen to the meitantei. No-one would ever know. Like an actor finishing a scene of a play, his face changed back to that of a happy 7-year-old. His eyes were clear with almost no trace of the flood that had been threatening to come only seconds before. His fists unclenched, and a smile forced its way onto his face. The scariest thing was that the smile looked real. Not sincere, no, Conan's smile was almost never sincere. But it looked real, and that is what scared Mouri Ran the most.

Ran had been cleaning in the office, trying to sort out her thoughts when she heard Conan coming down the stairs. She quickly hid once she realised it was Conan that was coming down the stairs, having used a process of elimination once she remembered that her dad was off on another case. She wasn't quite sure why she hid, but she both was glad of her decision and regretted it. She had watched Conan's reactions as he was writing a new letter. He had never seemed more like Shinichi than in that moment. Ran held her breath as she saw the scene in front of her unfold. Shinichi was all but crying, and she could see everything he had gone through in his eyes. The pain, the terror, his emotions were brought to light, for the first time Ran had seen in a long time, she knew what Shinichi was feeling. A hand flew to her mouth as she realised how much he was hiding from everyone. It lasted only a minute at most, but it felt like an eternity. When the mask was slammed back on, she felt her eyes watering. How many days had she seen Conan wear that look after she had yelled at Shinichi on the phone? When she first found out, she thought he cared only a little bit. Now she knew that he just hid it too well.

She was scared. Shinichi, someone who she had known to be so fearless, even in front of murderers, was terrified of someone, or more likely, a very large group of people. She was glad she knew. After all this, Shinichi would most likely keep it too himself, but she would not let him face his demons alone. She would help him to overcome all of the trauma that he has and will continue to go through. She hated seeing him like that, and part of her regretted hiding and watching him. But the other part of her was truly glad. She would be able to help Shinichi, now that she knew how he really felt. All she needed to do was see the letter to find some context.

Although Shinichi couldn't think of a way she could help, and didn't want her to, she would help him, and knew just how. She would support him, and help him overcome the internal demons. She vowed to smile, and help him to keep hope alive. And she would believe in him. Because right now, Ran felt the Shinichi didn't even believe in himself.

As Ran was stuck in her thoughts and was making sense of the previous scene, Conan ascended the stairs to the apartment, book safely tucked back into his pillow case. He remained unaware of Ran's presence and quickly and quietly went into his room, placing his pillow onto his futon and lying down. Ran soon followed, tip-toeing into her own room and quietly hoping onto her bed. Both of them were out almost the moment their heads touched the pillow, waking late the next morning.

**AN: **Sorry for everyone who wanted to see Ran teasing Conan. I meant to write that this chapter, but I really wanted to put another letter in. This chapter was hard to write, but I got it done In the next few chapters there should be some Ran-teasing-Conan Thanks again for all of your reviews and views of my story!

**Please don't worry about reviewing old chapters. I still love and appreciate reviews for old chapters and would love to hear your opinions on them **

Review question: If you were Ran, how would you tease Conan/Shinichi? I would totally buy him more cute kiddy clothes ^~^


	8. Mission - Pancakes

**AN: **Another chapter! ^~^ Thank you for the reviews AnimeNekoNya, Tanteibouzu, Kaede Hoshizora and Crystal Nephesia Hawklaw! I really appreciate the support everyone has given me so far!

Set late Saturday afternoon – the same day as last chapter

_Italics are the other person on the phone_

Ran awoke and turned to look at her bedside alarm clock. Her eyes widened as she read the time, '10:46', and all but jumped out of bed. She rushed to quickly get changed before heading to the kitchen to make some pancakes for herself and Conan for brunch. She hummed to herself as she cooked, putting the incidents of this morning in the back of her mind, at least until she got to read the letter herself. She was so focused on turn the pancakes at just the right time, that she didn't even realise Conan sneaking up on her. His eyes were still half-closed and his face was tilted upwards slightly, as if he had followed the scent of the pancakes into the kitchen. Ran giggled despite herself, the situation was too funny. One of Conan's eyes snapped open at the sound of her giggling, the other stayed half-closed, showing he was still sleep-walking. Ran could not hold it in any longer and burst out laughing. Conan looked even funnier with one eye practically shut and the other open.

This time, Conan managed to get both of his eyes open. "Ran…" He managed to say sleepily. Ran calmed down from her outburst of laughter and smiled down at him. "I am glad to know you are looking forward to my pancakes" She spoke quietly as she patted Conan on the head. That earned her a very disgruntled look from Conan, which only made her giggle more. As she turned her attention back to the frying pan in front of her, she told Conan to go and grab some toppings to put on the table. A soft 'hai' could be heard as Conan opened the cupboard door and began browsing. The first thing he reached for was the lemon juice and the sugar. Next to come out was the strawberry jam and honey, followed by the butter and golden syrup. His arms were full as he walked over and put the range of toppings on the table. Only a moment later Ran followed carrying a plate full of hot pancakes.

Conan and Ran talked little as they ate; focused more on their meals than conversation. As soon as they were finished, Conan began putting the toppings back into the cupboard. Ran smiled as she took the dishes, leaving them in the sink to be washed up later. Ran was determined to try to cheer Conan up today, so she was going to do everything she could think of to try and put a sincere smile onto his face. She grabbed her phone as she walked into her bedroom, and called a number she knew well, Shinichi's number.

Back in the kitchen, Conan began to panic when he saw Ran was calling him. He raced into his room, silently shutting the door so as not to seem suspicious to Ran. 'Why would she be calling me?' That single thought floated through his mind as he grabbed his bowtie, changing the setting whil pressing 'answer'.

"_Moshi moshi"_ Shinichi's voice flowed through the telephone lines to one Mouri Ran. Although she now knew the truth, she still loved hearing his voice.

"Shinichi!" She cried a smile evident in her voice.

"_Oh, it's you Ran." _Shinchi's cool voice replied, _"How have you been?"_

"Great, Shinichi… Ummm…"

"_What is it, Ran?" _Concern was evident in his voice as he spoke softly.

"…." Ran thought hard before she gave her reply. She was the one supposed to be cheering up Shinichi! Not the other way around.

"I… I just miss you, Shinichi. I missed hearing your voice. You really should call more often, you baka tantei!"

"_I know, Ran. I mis…."_

"Shinichi? What were you saying?"

"_Hm? No…Nothing, I wasn't saying anything."_

Ran's laughter echoed through the phone line, turning one Kudo Shinichi very pink on the other end.

"You liar!" She joked.

"_I am glad to get to hear your laughter again, Ran… Oh! I mean… I haven't talked to you in ages…. And I was worried if you were happy… not that I was too worried about you or anything… I was a bit, but! Argh." _Shinichi rambled on the phone trying to cover up his accidental honesty.

This sent Ran into another set of giggles.

"It's so sweet of you to worry, Shinichi"

"_I wasn't!... I give up. So maybe I was a little worried about you." _

"…." Shinichi's confession from his own mouth shocked her speechless.

"… _an? Ran? __**RAN?"**_ Shinichi's voice finally registered.

"Sorry Shinichi, I just didn't expect you to actually admit it."

"_I!" _Ran could tell Shinichi was blushing.

"I worry about you too, Shinichi. You better stay safe, you hear me? Who knows what kind of dangerous case you could have got yourself into! I… I don't mind if you don't return for a while Shinichi. But please! At least call me more often, Shinichi?"

"…_." _In his room, Shinichi's mouth was hanging open. Ran always asked when he was coming back. Had she found out? Or worse, had she secretly moved on?

"_Ran, Ran! I promise I will stay safe, or at least try to." _His voice suddenly changed to a soft voice as he continued,_ " Thank you for waiting for me, Ran. And for believing in me. When I get back I will treat you to a shopping trip…. Ummm… but, don't go too crazy, I want to survive long enough to graduate high school."_

"Shinichi…."

"_I am glad I got to talk to you again, Ran. I'll chat to you later, alright?"_

"Shinichi!"

"_Ja ne, Ran."_

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep*

And with that, the line went dead. Ran stared at her phone screen a moment longer, before her face lit up. Her mission had been accomplished, she got Shinichi to smile again, and, she even got him to promise to be careful and call her more. Ran was over the moon. She exited her room and saw Shinichi exit his also. 'Time to test my acting skills again', she thought to herself.

"Conan-kun!"

"Ah! Ran-neechan!"

Conan gave Ran his kiddy smile, and Ran kept her smile on her face. 'Shinichi, how did this happen to you? I know everything I need in order to understand why, but nothing about how it actually happened. Or how you can return to your normal body.' Ran had to stop a sad smile coming to her face as a result of her musings. Conan, (or should she call him Shinichi?), would definitely had noticed had she done that. The last thing she wanted was Shinichi finding out. How the tables had turned since the beginning, now it was Ran keeping a secret from Shinichi.

"Conan-kun, do you want to go shopping? I heard there was a new mystery book coming out today."

Shinichi really looked like the child he appeared to be to the world as his face lit up as he replied with a cheery "Hai!"

Ran smiled to herself as she reached instinctively for 'Conan's' hand, letting go only to put their shoes on. They walked in a content silence to the bookstore, in a rare moment where, for once, it wasn't Ran-neechan holding Conan-kun's hand, but Ran lightly holding Shinichi's hand, although he may not have realised.

At the bookstore, Conan practically dragged Ran to the mystery section like a dog sometimes drags its master. Ran let Conan browse at his own leisure, and went to wander around the bookstore herself, not going into any particular section. She looked at all the different books, seeing if any of them caught her eye. She turned into a random isle, and her eyes seemed to grow bigger as she saw the perfect book to get for Conan. It was one of those 'practise kanji' workbooks. She grabbed the grade 1 book, and proceeded to get Conan.

They headed to the counter together, but Ran would not let Conan see what book she got him, no matter how much he asked. It took all of her self control not to laugh. 'Let's just call my teasing pay back for not telling me', Ran thought to herself. As she put the book up on the counter to pay, she was overjoyed to find it on sale.

"Conan-kun, let's test your math skills!" Ran asked Conan with a smile.

"Okay Ran-neechan!" Conan answered brightly.

"If this book is 10% off from the original price, how much is it now?"

"Hmmm…" Conan went into his thought mode, thought Ran knew he already had the answer. After a minute of silence, in which the cashier had smiled at Conan, thinking he was a cute little kid, Conan spoke up again.

"I know! The price would be this!"

"Very good little boy!" The cashier commended him.

"hehe" Conan put on a cute triumphant kiddy smile, as he got handed a lollipop.

Ran was bursting with laughter internally, knowing how annoyed Shinichi must feel inside. She reclaimed his small hand in hers as they walked back to the agency. 'That was fun', thought Ran. 'I must try thinking of other ways to tease Shinichi.'

Back at the agency, Ran presented Conan with his new book. He stared at it, dumbfounded, for a few seconds before regaining his composure and taking the book from Ran with a big (fake) smile and a 'Thank you Ran-neechan'. Ran sent him downstairs to the office to work through the book while she did the housework. Despite Conan's offers to help, she insisted he go downstairs and enjoy his new book. As soon as Conan disappeared, and Ran had checked that he definitely went downstairs, she went to her father's and Shinichi's room, and reached for his book in his pillow case. She opened to the page of the newest letter, and saw that it, too, had to be read with Conan's special glasses. After she had placed them on her face, she began to read.

Ran laughed at Shinichi not picking up that it was her subtle actions, letting him stay up a bit later, and giving him more freedom to investigate crime scenes, that had changed. And she was surprised that he thought her smile was just for him. In truth, it was, but she was sure he wouldn't pick up on it. His raw emotions were spilled during his writing of the letter, and it made Ran want to laugh, cry, and give him a hug all at once. Shinichi was actually kind and considerate, though not many people saw it. He rarely expressed his emotions so openly, and she loved being able to know what he really felt. She had figured that it would be hard for him to go against his morals and lie to her for so long, that was why she kept on giving up her ideas about them being the same, but she would never had understood fully if she hadn't seen his reaction last night.

"Shinichi…." His name barely left her lips she spoke so softly. She couldn't express how she felt about it. He must have felt worse than her, and yet he was still able to keep up his mask. When she read the last few lines, tears welled up in her eyes, and she began silently choking on her tears. Alone… Shinichi was always alone, apart from her, and to some extent, Sonoko. No-one else really knew him. And no-one ever was there for him, he always did everything on his own, never asked for help. Ran felt guilty, knowing everything he had done for her. She remembered the Tanabata incident when she was a child. She couldn't remember who told her it was Shinichi's handiwork, but she always felt grateful to him for it.

It was like she was being read the letter by Shinichi himself, she could hear exactly how he would say each part. It was so like him to make sure she was okay and keep asking about her. Sure, he used to talk about Holmes all the time, but he would be continuously thinking about her in the back of his mind, like the fountain at Tropical Land.

She couldn't doubt that he loved her. She knew that now. And she knew her feelings for him. So she would stand by him, even if no-one else did. Because she understood him, and she loved him. He would always be _her _baka mystery otaku. Ran placed the glasses back between the pages and returned the book to its original place hidden in the pillow case. She didn't realise that tears had been running down her face until she put her hand to her face to wipe her eyes.

"I will always love you, Shinichi." Her whispered promise was wasted in the empty room, and she quickly stood up and went back to doing the housework. She had to keep her mask on for a while longer, for Shinichi's sake. But she knew, in the end, it would be all worth it.

**AN: **These chapters keep getting longer! I think I am getting a lot quicker in writing too. I didn't put in a price for the book since I didn't want to spend writing time researching book prices in Japan. I wanted to get this chapter done ASAP ^~^ Thanks for reading, and please review!

Review question: What is your favourite topping/s on pancakes? Mine is either strawberry jam or golden syrup I also love just sugar and butter.


	9. A Letter of Hope

**AN: **Hey everyone! I come back from a surprise holiday up the coast to see 1,600+ views and 17 reviews for my story! Thanks for sticking with me this long! And a big thanks to AnimeNekoNya and James Birdsong for their reviews. _**I hope everyone had an amazing Easter**_! Also, over the next 2 or 3 weeks I am going to be insanely busy, so chapters may not be out as regularly. This chapter was pretty hard to come up with ideas for, so if you have a suggestion or idea or scene you would like included, feel free to tell me in a review or PM me

Set a week after the last letter

Apart from the Kanji practise book that Ran had got for him, Conan would say that the last two weeks had been a lot better. For some reason everything seemed slightly easier. He had long since given up trying to work out why, and just concentrated on the fact that everything was okay, even if it was just for the moment. Conan had recently been contemplating telling Ran. She deserved to know and choose herself whether or not she thought he was worthy of her wasting her time on. He knew he was being selfish, keeping her in the dark. No matter how many times he would tell himself it was for the best, there was always that spot that remained in doubt. At least if he told her now it wouldn't be in the middle of some really dangerous mission. The Black Org hadn't been focusing on Conan or Haibara for a while now, and both not-children were relieved for the break, even if neither of them would admit it.

As Conan finished his random musings that seemed to be all over the place, he glanced at his watch. The brightness glowing from the watch blinded him like the sun through the blinds in the morning. _'Argh!' _Conan barely held back his moan of complaint, annoyed at his body clock getting so used to waking up now. He very begrudgingly got out of bed, roughly tugging his pillow behind him, his glasses careless put on his face, fingerprints going all over the lenses. Conan couldn't even be bothered to clean them as he walked down stairs to the office. He started the all-to-familiar routine of sitting in the chair and pulling out his book, before bringing out his invisible-ink pen. As he turned to a fresh page, he uncapped the lid. He was a bit annoyed that Agasa-hakase made the pens with caps, but apparently the clicking noises annoyed him. Conan thought that they relaxed him, but he couldn't really complain. He finally set his pen to paper, and began writing another letter.

_Dear Ran,_

_My other letters have been really down. Have you noticed that? I honestly don't try to be such a bum but it just happens. I guess that is how people act when they have to hold everything in and finally are permitted to let it out. I was contemplating telling you this week. I am just being selfish, not answering your questions, saying it's for your safety. They would probably kill you anyway because you were friends with me. It's not like you could get any more dead anyway, if they decide to wipe everyone out. Honestly, however you react is fine with me. I would very well deserve whatever is coming. _

_On a lighter note (this letter isn't supposed to be as down as the other ones anyway), how have you been Ran? Anything coming up? Have you moved on? I wouldn't blame you if you did. Technically I never was your boyfriend anyway. I would love to change that though, if you were willing to forgive and wait for me. Why can I be so bold in my letters but not when I see you face to face? It's really annoying. I guess it's because I don't want you to reject me, and I freak out. And thanks for calling the other day, Ran. I hadn't smiled like that in a long time. I promise to call you hopefully this week and chat. Is that good enough for you? I wish I could do something more. You deserve more than a shopping trip when I get back. Maybe we could persuade my parents to let us go to Hawaii? I bet you could get a better shopping trip there. I would pay for you, of course._

_But I truly thank you Ran. I am not sure if you can even comprehend how much your support and trust means to me. It is the main reason why I am seriously thinking of just telling you everything. I feel guilty having you put so much of your faith in me when I won't even tell you anything. Actually, I am doing worse than that by flat out lying to you. But you still believe in me. And it is truly a miracle. You truly are a beautiful angel, Ran. Please don't let anything taint your wings, even if that is my own selfishness. _

_I know I don't talk to you nearly enough. So I am going to make up for it by saying everything I should have and wanted to say but didn't. Ran, you are so kind, and I don't deserve to have you even as a friend, and I definitely aren't worthy of your love. You probably don't love me now though, do you? Anyway, you look beautiful in everything you wear, so don't bother asking me, you are stunning every time. Also, I was wondering if we should go on a double date with Sonoko-san and Makoto-san one time? It would save her spying on us during our date anyway. I mean… if you wanted to go on a date, of course. I don't want to force you into anything. _

_So…. There, I think that is everything. I look forward to calling you later this week. Stay safe Ran, and don't have too much fun without me! (Joking, of course)_

_Love,_

_Your Shinichi_

Conan smiled as he placed down the pen. That letter had a better feel to it, it seemed a lot lighter and happier. He was also a lot more forward. Good thing Ran wouldn't really be reading the letter! But he really was hoping to call Ran this week. All his promises made to her, although Ran may not be aware of them, he tries his best to keep. Especially the ones he writes down. Conan didn't necessarily feel relieved of a weight from his shoulders like he had after the other letters, but he felt a great deal happier, almost as if he was really conversing with Ran.

As Conan packed up, he realised that, more than ever, he _needed_ Ran. He always knew that, to an extent, but Conan was at the point where her simple existence was bringing him joy. He would never admit it, because he was too afraid of losing her, but he would rather her be truly happy with someone else than miserable and angry with him. Her happiness meant more to him than his own. And that small revelation shocked him more than it probably should have. He had never fully understood love, or how someone could feel so strongly about one another like that. He couldn't explain how he felt, and he was beginning to realise love couldn't be explained. Everything anyone had ever told him was a massive understatement. It was the most amazing and most frightening feeling he had ever felt. To be able to love someone so much, to trust them so completely, and be so vulnerable to that one person; it made him speechless.

He was completely in awe at how something passed off so lightly all the time could really have such a strong emotional meaning. Conan just stood there, beside the office chair, his notebook still open on the desk, his pillow on the floor having been dropped from his hold. He stood there motionless for a while, before shaking his head and continuing to pack up. His thoughts, however, did not stop. It seemed so impossible to him, yet somehow he understood it. He couldn't explain it, but it just seemed right. It wasn't logical, and it didn't have any explanation. It wasn't something that could be deducted, because it was so much more complicated than any deduction. Yet it was so simple, something that didn't require much thought; because it wasn't something that could be decided with your brain, but known within your heart.

It was his heart that knew he had to tell Ran eventually; but it was his mind that was holding him back, saying 'it's too early', 'now's a bad time', or ' what would you do if you lost her?'. Now, his mind had fallen silent. Shinichi was fully in control 'Conan' and his safety didn't matter. He didn't care if Ran threw him out of the Mouri Detective agency and never wanted to see him again. His heat couldn't lie any longer. He remembered a conversation with Kid on the rooftop once.

"_I don't get it! Why did she back off so easily? Does she not care anymore? Does she already know?" Conan asked in a frustrated voice, more to himself then to Kid._

"_I think she already knows." Kid responded quietly, earning him the attention of the shrunken teen._

"_What?"_

"_She already knows; she is just waiting for you to tell her yourself, and the reason why. I think she wants you to admit it to her by your own free will; she doesn't want you to do it by force."_

"_And how do you know this?" Conan demanded._

"_I can see it in her eyes, tantei-kun. The way she looks at you when you aren't looking. Her gaze was full of sadness, regret, and…." Kid trailed off, looking down._

"_What? Kid, what is it?"_

"_Hope." Kid said, looking up, his trade mark smile in place. "Hope, tantei-kun. Something I think you might have lost a long time ago!" And with a swish of his cape, Kid was gone, leaving Conan agape, staring at where the moonlight magician had stood._

"_She still believes in me?" Conan whispered to himself. He turned away and continued to proceed home like usual. The only thing different was that tonight, he was going to write a letter to Ran. Or at least draft some ideas of some things he could say to her…._

Shinichi smiled to himself. If Ran really did already know, she would most likely let him stay. Although it still didn't guarantee that she would still be his friend, she would appreciate the truth and being entrusted with his secret. He took off his glasses. He wouldn't need them for a while. Tomorrow, or should we say this morning, Kogoro was supposed to leave early to fly out for an interview on Nichiuri-T.V. Shinichi had the perfect opportunity to tell Ran. Shinichi quickly finished packing up and ran up the flight of stairs to the apartment. He snuck back onto his futon and tried to go back to sleep. He was a mixture of extremely excited, relieved and nervous.

'_He was going to do it. He was going to tell her everything. But he needed to make sure that she acted extra-hard around Haibara. It wouldn't do to have her on his back out letting Ran in on the secret. Oh well. Here goes nothing.'_

Conan yawned and fell asleep, being slightly bored by his thoughts. As unconsciousness arrived, a smile appeared on his face as positive dreams were played before his eyes. When he awoke, his only wish was that those dreams would become a reality.

**AN:** Dun dun dunnn! A cliff hanger! I am so mean aren't I? I actually didn't originally plan for the story to go this way, but oh well. I will try to write the next chapter this weekend also so that you guys don't have the cliff-hanger-ish-thing for very long ^~^

As it is ANZAC Day today, I feel I should give a special mention to the ANZAC's. I wouldn't be here writing fanfiction if they ANZAC's hadn't fought for our freedom. Lest we forget.

Question for the reviews: How do you think Ran will react? Will she fake anger? Will she tell Conan about how she saw his letters? I want to know what you think!


	10. The Shattering of Poker Faces

**AN:** Hello! I can barely believe that we are already up to chapter 10! Thanks to everyone who has stuck with my story for this long When I first started Dear Ran, I wasn't sure if I would be able to keep it up and remember to update regularly, but I managed to pull it off so far, with help from everyone who has read, favourite, followed, and reviewed. Thankyou so much! Also, kudos to AnimeNekoNya who reviewed the last chapter!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan, in case you have forgotten for when I said this in the first few chapters. If I did, Conan would have had an adventure in Australia already ^~^_

Set about 10am the same day as last chapter.

Ran and Conan were sitting in a comfortable silence as they ate their brunch. Conan had left his glasses off, and Ran had yet to say a word about it. Ran had noticed it when she first saw Conan this morning, the air about him was different. His act was still there, but not as strong, almost as if he wanted her to see he was Shinichi. Ran was confused, but decided to stay quiet. She had her act to maintain as well, after all.

It was when Ran was cleaning up when Conan first broke the silence. But he didn't sound like Conan. It was definitely Shinichi talking to her at the moment, not through the phone, right in front of her, in Conan's body. Sure, it wasn't his exact voice, but it definitely wasn't Conan's voice. No child could sound like that. Ran turned to face Conan… Shinichi, shocked. Her eyes questioned him, asking him what was happening.

"Ran…" Shinichi spoke, quiet but confidently. Her penetrating gaze was on him, and he gulped. Ran seemed to somehow sense that this would be an important conversation, so she began walking towards the couch, followed silently by Shinichi. Once they were both settled and comfortable, Shinichi spoke again, this time more worriedly, but just as firm in his resolve to tell her everything.

"You need to know the truth." His voice resonated throughout the apartment. He didn't speak loudly, but his words had a weight to them that seemed to resonate within the atmosphere.

"Con…"

"No. Please, Ran let me speak first." Shinichi interrupted Ran's speech before continuing himself, "I am not Conan Edogawa, and I am not supposed to be going to Teitan Shougako. Just like you have often suspected, I am…." His voice faltered for a moment, before going on, "I am Kudo Shinichi."

A long pause fell, and Ran just stared, shocked. She didn't expect a confession. She wasn't sure what to think. She knew already, but she wanted to cry because he was telling her himself. She hadn't forced him to tell her, he did it on his own. And that made Ran ecstatic. She would finally get to find out how and why Shinichi became Conan. She hadn't yet made up her mind on whether to hug Shinichi and let him know that she still accepted him, or to tease him and act annoyed or angry. In the end, despite her better judgement, her genuine relief and happiness burst out, and she pulled him into a hug, crying.

To say Shinichi was surprised was the understatement of the century. It was the one reaction he hadn't predicted, and he soon found himself wrapped up in a hug initiated by Ran. He tried his best to hug her back, but his child-sized arms couldn't wrap around her adult body. He settled for just patting her on the shoulder as Ran continued to cry and squeeze him to death, although the previous was most likely accidental. After a good 5-10 minutes had passed, Ran released Shinichi, allowing him to breathe as she wiped her remaining tears. Shinichi smiled at her gently, and she couldn't help but smile back.

"Ran… thank you. I honestly didn't expect you to… accept it so easily, I guess. But I still haven't given you an explanation, have I? It will take a while, so… please wait until I have explained everything before you decide to forgive me or not." Shinichi hung his head a little, feeling slightly sheepish. He felt Ran's eyes on him, wanting answers. He sighed inwardly as he began the long and difficult explanation. Although Shinichi was almost certain that Ran would forgive him, her reaction before had been a good indicator, he still wanted to be cautious. After a moment of gathering his strength, Shinichi began his explanations.

"I will start from the beginning. Remember when we went to Tropical Land to celebrate your win at your karate tournament? I ran off to chase those suspicious men in black that we had seen in the roller coaster murder case. I saw one of them making an illegal money transaction. I was so focused on watching it, that I completely forgot about the second man. He hit me over the head from behind, and they fed me some untested prototype drug. It was supposed to kill me. According to them, I am still dead. Luckily none of them know about this side effect." Shinichi gestured to his body, giving a small, sad laugh. "This would never have happened if I had just realised that I was being an over-confident jerk and realised that I wasn't immortal, and that there were lots of risks doing what I do. It was only after I had lost everything, after I lost you, that I realised everything that was truly important to me." Shinichi paused for a while, thinking of what to say next, and letting everything he had said sink in for Ran.

"I thought I was going to die. When they forced me to take the poison, a terrible pain that burned ripped through my body. It felt like someone was burning me to death from the inside out. I woke up, barely believing I was alive. I didn't even notice that I had shrunk until I saw myself in the reflection of a shop window. I panicked, and ran to my house, finding of course that I couldn't reach the handle. Luckily, Agasa-hakase was just arriving next door, and after managing to convince him, he told me that I shouldn't let you know the truth. He said that if the men in black found me alive, they would kill you too if they thought you knew anything. I believed what he said, as I was quite out of it, and then you came in suddenly. I grabbed my dad's glasses from the draw, popped out the lenses and invented a name on the spot. If I had been thinking properly at the time, I might have just told you, and this whole situation could have been avoided." Shinichi sighed. He was getting tired re-telling his tale. He decided to tell more details later, Ran knew the basics anyhow, and just work on a plan of how they should act and what not to do around Haibara.

"It's alright, Shinichi." Ran's calm voice startled him for a second; he hadn't expected her to speak. He stared at her; completely at awe with how forgiving and accepting she could be. After everything Shinichi had put her through, even after finding out it could have been avoid if he hadn't been such a douche, she still forgave him, and was basically telling him to calm down and forgive himself.

"You can tell the rest of the story later. I have the main part, anyhow. Just tell me how to act around different people and who already knows." Ran smiled at him so sweetly, it made Shinichi feel guilty for ever doubting that she wouldn't forgive him and stick by him. She was a true friend, nothing like him. And she read his mind. How the heck did she do that? She read. His. Mind. How could she have literally just said what he was thinking? It was official. Ran had to be an angel in disguise that could read thoughts. There was just no way someone could be that amazing. Yet again Shinichi was left looking in awe at Ran, who giggled at him, effectively bringing him back to reality.

"Ah, thanks Ran. Ad for the people who know…. There is Agasa-hakase, my parents… _unfortunately… _ Haibara Ai, Hattori, I think Kid knows, hmmm… who else…. I don't think anyone else…" Shinichi trailed off and went into his full-out thinking mode, with his hand under his chin.

"Oh! You can act like you know around everyone who knows when we are alone, except for Haibara. Under no circumstance is Haibara to know that I told you. She'd kill me. And I'll tell you Haibara's story later, alright? You just need to know that she is in the same situation as me for now." Shinichi hopped off the couch and stretched. It felt like they had been sitting down forever!

"Sure, Shinichi." Ran stood up as well, and grinned at him, before bending down and placing a kiss on his forehead. Shinichi turned bright red, his mouth hanging open. "And you owe me that shopping trip!" She called behind her as she walked back to her room. Shinichi just stood stock-still, staring at where Ran had disappeared to. He pinched his arm to make sure he was awake. This had turned out a lot better than Shinichi had hoped.

A moment later, Ran came out with her handbag and began walking towards the door, stopping to on her shoes at the entrance. Ran gestured for Shinichi to follow her suit, and together they made their way down the agency steps onto the footpath.

"Where are we going?" Shinichi asked in his Conan voice.

"Shopping, of course" Ran smirked slightly as Conan replaced his grown with a kiddish 'hai!'

'_For more than just me… I am going to try to put you into some cute kiddy clothes as well Shinichi! Don't think you're getting out of this!' _Ran thought to herself. She would have her fun with Conan. What could be described as an evil smirk was visible on her face. Walking beside her, Conan gulped. This couldn't be good….

**AN:** Yay! That's it for now I will be busy the next few weeks so I may not get the time to write more chapters, but I wanted to get this one done so you guys didn't have a cliff hanger for long. Aren't I nice XD

Question for the reviews: What do you want to see Ran put Conan in? It could be as weird or as silly as you like, I will try to include everything (as long as it is appropriate). My idea is making Conan do a Pearl Fey Cosplay from Ace Attorney. ^~^ ((I don't own Ace Attorney either))


	11. Shopping Trips and Cosplay

**AN:**Wow! I got back from a camping trip with school, and I see I have around 9-10 new reviews! Thank you so much guys! I know I sound like a broken record always repeating how great it is that people review, but I really want to express my gratitude to everyone who has given up time to leave a review, and just to read my story. Domo arigatou! I had a few guest reviews, so I will put my responses in the next section; feel free to skip over if you want to

_Fennec- Thanks for your review! It was harder to write the last chapter, which is probably why it seemed that way. I will make sure to re-read my stories a few times before posting._

_Zahraa- Wow! You spammed me with reviews! I love it ^~^ I really enjoyed your feedback and input on my little questions It absolutely made my day._

_FFAnonymous- Great idea for something to dress Conan in *evil smirk*Thanks for your review, and YAY! Aussie fans! For one of the best animes around it has a pretty small fanbase here. It is great to get to know another fan like me *shakes hand*_

**Quick side note: **I'm sorry if changing between Shinichi/Conan is annoying, I will be using Shinichi at all times unless it is his appearance being mentioned, or it is related to someone who doesn't know his true identity.

Set the same day as the last chapter

The sun blinded the duo for a moment as the stepped out of the small alcove of steps into full sunlight. They shielded their eyes as they looked around at the sight before them. It was a beautiful morning, almost nearing midday now, and only a single cloud was present in the sky. Eagar to get started on her shopping trip (and dressing Shinichi in embarrassing clothes – not that he knew yet), Ran reached for Conan's small hand on instinct. Shinichi smiled up at her and squeezed her hand. They set off, content with everything at that moment.

To an untrained eye, they looked like your average kid walking with his older sister. However, if one looked closely, it was obvious that the way they were holding the other's hand was not the way a sister forcefully but gently guides her younger brother, but the way that two nervous high-schoolers would hold their crush's hand. Ran had slowed her pace so that Shinichi wouldn't have to jog to keep up, further proving that they weren't just an older sister dragging an uncooperative child along. The final topping on the cake was their smiles, which showed more emotion and were far gentler than was expected. But for once, Shinichi didn't care how they looked to the well trained eye. Today was about him and Ran. _Shinichi_ and Ran. He was sure that it would be fine to let his guard down slightly for one day.

Before long, the odd duo had reached the shopping centre Ran wanted to visit. It was relatively new, and not too far from their agency either. They rode up the escalator onto the second floor, and Ran headed straight towards a Cosplay shop. Shinichi could only stare at her quizzically as she dragged him into the kiddy Cosplay section, and a feeling of dread and certain doom came upon him as Ran began to giggle. This wouldn't be pretty.

Of course, Shinichi was wrong. He turned out very pretty in the Cosplay of Madoka from the anime _Puella Magi Madoka Magica'_. Ran tried, unsuccessfully, to stifle her laughter as she saw how cute Conan looked. The ice-daggers that she kept receiving from him only made her laugh all the more. At her request, Shinichi, albeit reluctantly, twirled around to show Ran how he looked from all angles. Shinichi's cheeks were as red as the blood on the corpses that he so often stumbled upon. Finally, after what was most likely only two minutes of torture, Ran sent him back into the changing rooms, only to find that she had another outfit waiting for him. He stared at it in horror and disbelief. He thought nothing could be as embarrassing as the last outfit, but this had to be at least three times worse.

After a full ten minutes of just staring at the Cosplay outfit, Ran called out to Shinichi.

"Conan-kun? Are you finished getting changed yet?" Somehow, Ran managed to hide her laughter from her voice.

"Wha? Almost, Ran-neechan!" Conan's voice answered back.

Shinichi quickly got changed into the next outfit, willing for this day to be over ASAP. He messed up his hair slightly, and placed a monocle over his eye in place of his trademark oversized glasses, wanting to do the Cosplay perfect. If he was forced to do it anyway, why not do it right? As he slowly stepped out of the change rooms, he heard a camera click. He whipped his head up, but had missed Ran's camera by only a few milliseconds. Deciding not to worry about that for now, Shinichi put on KID's trademark smile, and bowed before Ran. With a wave of his hand, a pink rose appeared in his hand.

"For you, ojousama. Although this rose cannot compare to your beauty." Shinichi mimicked KID's voice surprisingly well, and Ran took the flower gently.

"Trust and happiness…." Ran whispered, correctly stating the meaning of the rose.

Ran stared at the rose for a long while, and when she next looked up, Shinichi was no-where to be seen. Ran started to worry, until she saw the changing room curtain was closed. She remembered what the next outfit was, and hurriedly went into the change room beside Shinichi's to get into her outfit as well.

They stepped out at virtually the same time, both Shinichi and Ran nearly bursting out laughing at the other's Cosplay. Ran was dressed up as The 11th Doctor, wearing the tweed jacket, suspenders, bowtie, and of course the fez. Shinichi, on the other hand, was in a simple onesie suit that looked like it could have been PJ's for a little kid. His pink bunny ears flopped as Shinichi rolled around on the floor laughing. Ran's fez was discarded somewhere on the floor as she too rolled around in laughter, not able to stand safely on two feet.

It was a while before the pair was able to calm down. They slowly picked themselves up, smiling. Shinichi's smile disappeared quickly, however, as he remembered that he still had more outfits to dress up in. He made a small grumbling noise as he walked into the change rooms, soon followed by Ran who went into her own change room.

As soon as Shinichi saw the next outfit, he let out very childish squeal of delight. He eagerly donned the coat and the hat. Within five seconds (or thereabout), Shinichi was out of the change rooms, parading around in his new favourite outfit. A moment or two later, Ran emerged from her own change room, rewarded by the sight of Shinichi acting like an idiot, parading around in his Sherlock Holmes outfit. The smile on his face made him look like his apparent age, and he posed willingly for Ran as she took some photos on her phone. Soon, the inevitable question came.

"Ran-neechan! Ran-neechan!" Conan's excited voice proclaimed, "Can I stay in this outfit for the rest of the day? Pretty please?" Conan tried his best puppy-dog eyes.

"Maybe after you have tried on the other outfits? I spent ages trying to pick them out for you." Ran smiled sweetly, but Shinichi could hear the evil undertone in her voice. He sulked as he made his way back to the change rooms, pouting.

The next outfit wasn't as bad as the other ones, Shinichi decided. He only let out a small sigh as he changed out of his beloved Holmes costume and into some old lady clothes. After putting on the wig, and giving himself a quick check in the mirror, he began to step out of the change rooms yet again, this time donning the persona of Miss Marple, another 'detective' from the novels written by Agatha Christie. Shinichi had read all of Agatha Christie's novels, his favourite being the Orient Express mystery. He vaguely remembered having asked his dad to write a crossover fanfiction of Agatha Christie's universe and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's when he was younger. As expected, his dad politely declined, and Shinichi never told anyone else what had happened.

Fully coming out of the change room, shaking his head free of his awful memory, he did a quick turn for Ran. Ran clapped her hands in delight, glad that she no longer had to prompt him to turn around in his outfits. After pretending to do a small catwalk, Shinichi hurries back into the change rooms. He had already snuck a look at the next outfit, and was quite excited.

In a flash, Darth Vader stepped out of the change rooms. Shinichi recreated Darth Vader's breathing noises from inside the suit. Ran laughed, asking Shinichi to say something else.

"No, Luke, I am your father!" Darth Vader's voice boomed out sinisterly.

"Wait, that's not the correct line!" Ran complained.

"Yes, it is," Shinichi's voice sounded, "Everyone just says it wrong. I will say it that way though if you wish." Shinichi sighed, complying at Ran's silent nod to go ahead.

"Luke, I am your father." Darth Vader spoke again, and Ran whipped out her phone to take a photo. Shinichi posed, doing some epic (and some ridiculously silly) poses for Ran's camera. After only a short while, however, Ran stated that it was lunch time, and all but shoved Shinichi back into the change rooms to get changed into his normal clothes.

Taking the pile of clothes in his hands, the Holmes and Darth Vader on top, as he fully intended to purchase those outfits; he walked out of the changes room for a final time. Giving a kiddy smile to Ran, full 'Conan mode' initiated, he begged her to let him buy his favourite two outfits. Of course, Ran gave in. It was his money, anyhow. After making their purchases and exiting, they went to the cafeteria for a late lunch. They had a pleasant meal, Shinichi glad to finally not have to order a kids meal, and Ran happy to be able to spend time with Shinichi again.

The rest of their shopping trip wasn't as eventful, Ran choosing to go to normal stores and try on clothes for herself, sometimes trying to make Shinichi blush by choosing cute outfits. Both of them strolled home in the multi-coloured sunset, pleased with the way the day went, and thanking their lucky stars that a dead body didn't drop from the sky. It should be noted that they both went to sleep very quickly that night, as they were both exhausted from their big day.

One thing was clear now. Shinichi would do anything for Ran, and nothing could ever come between them again. Their bond had strengthened so much over a single shopping trip, and a little time spent catching up. Hopefully the black org wouldn't come to tear them apart….

**AN: **May the fourth be with you! Yes, it is Star Wars day today! YAY! Anyway, thanks for reading this chapter, I hope you enjoyed all those mental images of Conan dressing up as different characters. If you didn't know any, Google is your friend.

DISCLAIMERS:

I don't own Star Wars, Sherlock Holmes, any works by Agatha Christie, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Doctor Who, Detective Conan or Magic Kaito.

Question for the reviews: What was your fave thing Shinichi dressed up in? Any other ideas of outfits/cosplays you would like to see Shinichi in?


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